Finding My Voice

Over a year ago I wrote my very last blog post. I never in a million years thought I would be sitting here again, in this familiar (yet unfamiliar) territory typing words to my screen, but here I am.

The truth is, I've always loved to write but as soon as I monetized and took on collaborations and other commitments I lost my love for it. I quickly lost myself in the rat race of the 'blogger' world and my platform turned into a place of resentment. Every time I turned on the computer to write my words just wouldn't flow, everything was always so forced and nothing felt genuine. During those years of blogging I took courses, tuned into webinars, joined Facebook groups, Instagram pods and wasted so much time skimming through other blogs reading shit I didn't care about so that other bloggers would come read the same shit I was writing about. This online world was one that I grew to loathe, I resented every second it pulled me from my own family and when I finally realized that it was my choice to be pulled away, I let it go and it felt so liberating. I'm sure you're wondering at this point why in the world I'm starting a blog again.

The truth is, I also kind of miss it. I miss the genuine parts of it and sharing my heart with others. This platform won't be like before though, there will be no reader pleasing, monetizing or scheduled posts. I will write when I feel like writing and neglect it when my life is so crazy busy that I need to step away. This blog will be for me but also for the moms who feel like they're falling apart, the women struggling with body image issues, and for the hundreds of thousands of others trying to navigate a chronic illness. I promise you, you'll never come here feeling less than, you will come here to commiserate and feel a sense of hope and connectivity.

There is one thing this world wide web needs and it's a sense of real connection. It needs a different perspective, diversified voices, someone to share vulnerability and real life (and I mean real life with some permanency not just in an Instagram story) Previously I wanted to be true to myself but I was so worried about losing followers and pleasing readers that I couldn't ever truly be authentic. Over the past couple of years I've had the ability to really find myself and to grow as a human; through my photography, reading actual books, attending conferences, through navigating my chronic illness diagnosis, learning how to manage my anxiety and depression and genuinely finding body confidence through the body positive movement.

Adam and I were laying in bed last night and I was talking to him about how I have always felt (and still feel) so misunderstood, yet afraid to have a voice. We were talking a lot about my personal experience with diet culture and my journey to loving myself and my body as is, and he rolled over and said, "have you ever thought about blogging again?" Little did he know that I already had this blog ready and waiting for words.

I've always been an open book, I'm not a very private person because I feel like vulnerability is the key to connectivity. I am comfortable being vulnerable and sharing my insecurities if it means I can challenge another person's inner dialogue. Of course I am still hesitant to share my voice because sometimes my opinions are big and my thought process isn't always mainstream, this will open me up to a lot of differing opinions and online criticism. I do know this though, I am empathetic to a fault. I truly believe that it is my greatest strength yet my biggest weakness and I know that everything I do and everything I believe comes from a good place. 

The power of social media has surprised me before and connected me with so many like minded individuals, as well as others diagnosed with the same condition as myself. Human connection, isn't that what we all strive for? To be a part of something bigger, to be loved and understood and to contribute positively to society in some way? I know that's what I want. I am in such a good place right now and maybe it's because I've finally left my 20's behind but I would argue that it's because I've made a conscious effort to get here and I really just want to share my newfound knowledge and perspective with others, because I want this happiness for you too.